of you are scared of writing. If that is your case, you better do
something about it or you will not get too far in this. In my opinion, in
this virtual world, not only you need to write but to know what to write.
It looks like it is
just about getting to know the other person and to try and find out if she
feels something for us along t hem.
I know most of you have no patience in these things…but worst thing is not
only the big effort you do, but that you have not experience on this. Of
course I do not want you to think I feel God, but I can assure you I have
letters along my life.
Not having verbal
communication, the messages you write must be much more straight and
The knowledge you can
know of the girl is not a direct one, but indirect, you will learn about
her accord to her answers.
When most of you write
an email you do it talking about surface subjects, those letters are
similar to those two friends who live apart could write, you can see on
them daily matters, that means, easy to handle and easy to be answered.
You will get anything if all you do is talk about the countries you
visited, the friends you have, the music, movies you like. When a
relationship gets in that track I understand it as two people or at least
one of them trying to avoid a relationship, because it is impossible to
know if the person has some intention to start a serious relationship with
us or not. I t means you could write for months and even know every little
detail about her but you still won't be in the situation of starting a
relationship…and if you do…even if the girl accepts it, you need to
realize there is no deep feelings on her.
You could think I am
crazy but think about this…Do you really think just because of exchanging
daily events you will be able to fill a deep love, a real feeling?…if you
think that is how it is, you better give up because you will be the victim
of those who look on the net where is the millionaire who will save them
and will allow them to live as they wish. Real women will not look for you
because to have this kind of communication she would rather meet a man
from her own country, who speaks her same language. Russian women never
waste their time on actions which will lead them nowhere.
I will offer you
another point of view: imagine I am a Russian girl and I am looking for a
serious relationship. You contact me by a message and you start writing
about the countries you visited…I could end up thinking you are trying to
get me selling me an image you do not have…understand?, even if you are
just trying to share your experiences with her, but really…How is that
received by her?
Many times you ask me
in some comments if a certain letter you got was written by a scammer or
not. With some letters it is impossible to know. Many of you are obsessed
with scammers, without knowing they are not the worst, the most dangerous
scammers are the scammers of feelings.
Scamming method is the
simplest one that is why it is shocking to see how many men keep falling
is such a bad way of scamming. If you think about this. Scammers only look
for the weakest ones; with emotionally balanced people they have no
success at all. Their chances are with the lonely ones.
It is about finding an
open person and creating feeling to him. As you know, feelings do not
belong to the conscious part of the person but to the unconscious one. So,
all relationship you start using the logic…will not be a successful one,
even worst if there is a lot of distance between them, cultural and
Sometimes it is them
who use these avoiding methods in their messages, they try to avoid to get
into the real subjects, but they pretend they are being sensible in their
communication with you, but really she is not showing anything about her.
Some examples of this is that kind of woman who tells you in her letter
she loves to feel the breeze when she walks in the beach, or loves when
sees kids playing, to smell the flowers…if a woman got into this mode of
messages you need to take her out of it or start realizing you are getting
nowhere with her.
conversation under this ways will lead you nowhere. It is something many
women do, not only Russian ones, and judging by the results looks like
effective because the man associates this kinds of comment with
femininity, which is a terrible mistake. A woman cannot be more woman just
because she tells you she loves to smell the flowers on spring, as who
does not tell you that, means is not, she simply hides her feelings more
than the first one.
Therefore, you already
need to have this clear, all this means one thing: any communication which
goes under this method, needs to be eliminated because will lead us
The art is to try and
lead the communication to another stage. The only way of creating feelings
is when you talk about principles, values, moral, family, love, fidelity,
sincerity, loyalty…they are abstract concepts where the opinion of the
person is always conditional by what she really thinks about it. It is
very important to lead the dialogue to that level.
If you notice, the
superficial subjects could start becoming deeper and more personal every
time. Doing this, for example, when you start talking about family you
could say you would love to take your kids to sky someday. If you say it
that way she will take the conclusion that you want to enjoy a life with
family and kids. Notice it is very different if you say you go to sky on
Baqueira Beret every weekend. Understand? It is not important what you say
but how you say it.
The ideal communication
is when there is a fluently conversation between both of you, it means
there are no questions, because both of you express your ideas and
opinions about the subjects you talk about. It means there is a relaxing
atmosphere between you and her. We all read on the net you need to make
questions to find out if she is scammer or not, but this is stupid,
because if I am a scammer of feelings an you send me questions and it
would be so simple to me, because I would know your serious intentions
towards me so, it would be only a matter of answering some questions and
you would surrender to me. You need to be careful with that trend we all
have of putting a price to our trust, because when she answers me all the
questions I did means I would have fall for her, do not matter what she
answered (do you remember the post “how many women?”)
I think it is useless
to make questions, I think it is better to have a conversation and watch
the other person's reaction. If I talk to her about my family and she
talks to me that her car was broke, it is more than clear she is not
interested on a serious relationship. But if she talks to me about her
idea of family, then we exchanged information and opinions making the
conversation something positive for both of us, you will notice every
subject will be closed and will mean a point where we agree or not with
One of the features of Russian women is that they build a wall around them
to protect their privacy, it is the way they have because
Russian men are the
same. This is because the level of communication between them is low. What
we need to do first is to try and get into her inner world. If you pay
attention, on almost every profile you can see the girls write: “Open
minded” and “Self confident”. This means the woman is looking for a man
who with she could openly speak about various subjects. She will
experience a relationship different to the one she has in her country, so
it will be easier to get her. If you can handle this situation…you will be
able to see how she opens herself and express more…
You cannot act as most
men do, if you want to have your own speech…create a blog. Our objective
is to make her express her feelings and opinions, if you get this; you
will only have to be patient. Never show a too selfish image, some people
all they do is to talk about their battles (as I do), what is fatal for
our future in this world.
To change the subject
in a conversation is a good point, because if the person is paying
attention to what you are talking about she will be unfocused of the
previous subject and will have to redirect her attention to the new one.
These are techniques executives and politicians use when they find
themselves in a not comfortable situation.
As long as the person
keeps her attention in only one subject it will be hard to access to her,
because all her defenses will be active.
The woman who is looking for a serious relationship (we will ignore the
others) will based all your conversation to an exhaustive analysis to see
if what you say match with what you show. It seems silly, but they are
very intelligent. They analyze every detail of our conversation, the way
you express…our attitude when comes to sharing our experiences, our
interest for her. Here you have another example:
Imagine she asks you:
-Which car do you own?
- A BMW three, you?
- I have a Lada.
If you leave your
conversation in there, it will look like you are showing your car off and
not caring about her. But imagine if you keep your conversation like this:
By the way, what did
you feel the day you picked up your car from the car agency?
That simple question
will make her forget the economic difference and will make her understand
she is important to us because you expressed interest on her sensations.
As a resume, remember
1- Show interest in the
sensations she had in different situations. Ask her about her opinion
about certain subjects, you need to make her speak, if all you do is to
let her hear your stories all the time she will be doing the same she
would do with a Russian man.
2- Talk about all the
subjects, but, hope you do not get the idea of talking about sex at the
beginning of the relationship. You do not have to talk about your past
3- Do not be
4- The main subjects
will be: family, love, kids, past, fidelity, sincerity, future, beliefs,
couple, and marriage…them all as concept without asking for facts.
5- Material and daily
matters are never conversations, because you can name them in h other
6- Never forget to let
it clear your position about her kids, if she has them.
7- Do not have
monotonous attitudes towards her, try to change subjects often.
If you pay attention to
this all, you will see how many women will not get into your conversations
or they will in a superficial way, that way you will know which woman is
the right one to dedicate our efforts. You will find out if after
eliminating scammers there are not many women, the real ones who are able
to open to you and show themselves as they are, are really less…that is
why is hard to have a serious relationship with one of them. If you are
lucky enough to meet one, do as much as you can to get to know hr better,
she is worth it…
Remember the dialogue
is made by two, when both of them express their feelings and ideas in a
relaxing way and each of them give their opinion about what the other said
in a positive, constructive way.
This article was
written by Irina Fulgencio (Our old member). She lives currently with her
husband in Spain.